STILL LOVING HIM…
April 20, 2010Kainis! Feeling alone in this world na naman ako, hay…Dunno if it’s because of my coming bday or emo mode lang ako…
Well, napanaginipan ko lang naman si dear ol’ ex ko last night. Ex meaning si L. As in ang TL ng buhay ko. As usual may pain na naman..Sakto at pinakita pa mandin ng cuz ko ang FB ni L.
Actually, una n’yang pinakita yung FB ng gf ni L sa kin. GF as in live-in partner n’ya now. May kurot pa rin sa puso hanggang ngayon. I mean, over na ako sa kanya(I think) but because wala pa rin akong dyowa now or rather, dahil wala pa ring pumapalit sa trono n’ya sa puso ko till now e medyo hurt pa rin ako kahit papano pag may mga ganitong moments.
Ok lang naman ang gf n’ya now. Mukhang waitress sabi ng cuz ko, hehe! Naka-bikini pa mandin s’ya dun sa primary pic n’ya pero wa epek s’ya sa akin. Walang dating. (or biased lang ako? Haha!).
Bagets pa din s’ya. Kolehiyala. Pero kumplikado din ang sitwasyon nila ngayon ni L dahil ikakasal na raw ang gf n’ya dun sa Fil-Am bf n’ya na nasa NJ. 2 years na raw sila nung bf n’ya. Labo noh? May dyowa sa US pero ka-live-in n’ya si L sa Pinas. In short, parang literal lang sila na nagbabahay-bahayan. Ewan…Hay…
After ko nakita ang FB ni gf e si L naman ang sumunod ko na tiningnan. Ayun, FB friends sila ni bro at cuz as expected. Nanumbalik na naman ang nakaraan dahil nakita ko ang primary pic n’ya. Fave pic kase namin yung dalawa. And how can I ever forget that pic e ako ang kumuha ng shot na yun kaya yun…hay…
Minsan lost din ako sa sarili ko kung love ko pa rin ba sya or pinipilit ko lang kumbinsihin ang sarili ko na over na ako sa kanya. As I’ve said, nandun pa rin kase yung kurot sa puso…Yung pain…
Almost 2 yrs na kaming hiwalay and yet, ang dami ko pa ring issues sa kanya…Minsan miss ko s’ya…Minsan I just hate him…poles apart lagi yung feelings ko for him.
Kagabi nga e di ako makatulog at crayola pa rin ako sa kanya. Miss ko s’ya…Miss ko how we were before…Miss ko nung masaya pa kami…Miss ko yung mahal nya ako at mahal ko s’ya at yun lang ang mahalaga sa buhay ko nun.
Even as I’m blogging now e naluluha ako. Mahal ko pa rin s’ya, I guess. In denial lang siguro ako…Pero pucha, ang dami ng nangyari sa buhay namin. Lalo lang naging kumplikado ang lahat. Mas iba na yung mundo n’ya ngayon. Mas layong lumaki yung gap ng status namin sa buhay.
Iba na yung mundong ginagalawan n’ya ngayon. Di na s’ya hamak na tambay…May trabaho na s’ya ngayon…Isa na s’yang…Isa na s’yang…H-O-S-T-O.
Yeah, no kidding. But yung concern and yung “love” ko for him is still there. Ewan. Di na yata mabubura kahit kelan yun.
Bakit ganun? Gusto ko na manahimik and yet, di pa rin s’ya mawala sa sistema ko???
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