WASTED
December 15, 2004
Shouldn't have wasted my…
time
energy
effort
money
attention
plans
dreams
words
thoughts
stories
body
soul
life
love
everything
…on YOU
…Now, I'm NOTHING
…but WASTED…
*Arrrgggghhh*
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1. a reader left…
Tuesday, 14 December 2004 4:03 am
enjoy life to the fullest! have no regrets… there's no turning back… fulfill every dream u have…
tj [oksnaoks123@yahoo.com]
LOVE IN THE EYES OF A 4-YEAR-OLD KID
Meet Sandra. She's my cutie lil niece. For some reasons, she's always tight with whomever I'm in a relationship with.
She'd often sit on their laps, kiss them, play with them, etc. Her concept of love is very different. Far different from ours.
Love for her is happiness. Pure bliss. Sweet nothings. Hugs and kisses. But can we blame her?
She's only a kid. She knows nothing about love. Love for her is always something positive.
When asked a year ago if "Tita Jonnie" (that's what she calls me) has a bf, Sandra replied no (I wasn't in a relationship with someone then.). She immediately said that she wants me to have a bf already so I will cry no more.
Bullseye! I was touched by her answer. Coming from a 4-year-old kid, that meant a lot to me. Her reply left me teary-eyed.
Her innocence made her remark all the more special. It put a lump on my throat. As young as she is, she knows I'm hurting after a break-up (though I try as much as possible not to show my family that I'm crying). The difference though lies in her concept that once you got a bf/gf, everything is a bed of roses.
Just recently, she asked me if I got a bf. I said, "No, not anymore." Once again, she had this sad look on her face. Afterwards, she gave me a tight hug.
I knew right then and there what went through her naive mind. Tita Jonnie's gotta have a bf real soon so she will cry no more.
How I wish I could tell her that loving isn't just all that. But she's only a kid. Sigh. Poor lil Sandy sure has a long, long way to go…
*Btw, Sandra's 5 years old now and she still adores me as ever.*
*Ask her who's the best aunt for her. Hmmm…U guessed it right! It's nobody else but her Tita Jonnie, hehehe!*
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Monday, 13 December 2004 11:07 am
Oops, seems like I'll stand behind Sandra and chant along with her that Tita_Jonnie's Shiny Armoured Knight better come galloping along
Monday, 13 December 2004 11:56 am
haha! that's sweet! damn! Shiny Armoured Knight better come galloping real soon, hehe! 
ME AND MY PIERCINGS
December 14, 2004
I love piercings. Anything except a nose ring. 
I'm often asked about my ear piercings. Got 11 right now. 6 on my right ear. 5 on my left.
Been called "astig", "punk", "cool","weird", "harcore", "gothic" and what-have-you because of my piercings. Oh well! I really don't give a damn when it comes to labels. This is ME, love me or hate me.
To others though, they may just seem ordinary piercings. But to me, they're not just ornaments. They're a part of who I am. They speak so much about what I've gone through in life. Without them, it's as if you took away a part of who and what I am today.
I only got 3 piercings back in college. The usual 2 earrings on each ear. Plus an earring on the uppermost part of my right ear which by the way really hurt. It eventually got infected so I had to remove it after awhile.
My real love for piercings began after I finished college. A few months after I graduated, I had my hair dyed light brown. It was a really drastic change on my part since I've always been known for my long, straight, silky, black hair (modesty aside). After that, I had 2 more piercings just above the usual place where earrings are placed.
Then came my job hunting days. I was a customer service representative trainee for an American call center company. I was chosen as one of the batch leaders for our group. That meant responsibility on my part. Add to that, I got lotsa things to memorize, quizzes, etc. I was also enrolled in a driving school at the same time.
My schedule involved having to head straight to my driving lessons after my training. Damn! Gimme a break! It's so hard to concentrate while driving when I have lotsa things to do when I get home (I also happen to be the treasurer in our house so I handle money matters, geez!).
Training + driving lessons = HELL
To release the tension and pressure in me, I decided to go to a mall and have myself pierced. I got 2 more ear piercings and voila! The physical pain seemed to ease the pressure off my mind. It sure did hurt a lil but it sure was worth it (That's my own opinion. Don't give me a violent reaction, silly!)!
From then on, piercings have become my outlet to release the anger, pressure, angst, etc. in me. They have been a witness to the twists and bumps in my life. Alas! Without any of my earrings on, I feel indifferent. It's as if something in me is missing.
Year 2003. Let me share a story about me and my ex-bf. He's 4 years younger than me. He was still a university student then while I was already working. We usually fought about his drinking. I mean, I don't mind him being out with his beer buddies but geez! I wanted him to prioritize his studies more than anything or anyone else in the world.
One day, I got tired of his "childish" acts and the "rebel" in me just wanted to spite him. So off I went to a mall to have the uppermost part of my both ears pierced. Boy! Did it hurt! Imagine me sleeping with a ponytail just so any stray hair didn't touch the sides of my ears. It was torture, man!
For about a week or 2, I couldn't sleep on my side. Btw, I also had a chinese character henna tattooed on my left hand. In short, I did all the things he didn't approve of. I knew right then and there that things aint gonna work out between us.
And true enough. After just a few months, we broke up. There I was having myself pierced again. I can endure any physical pain but the emotional pain was killing me. I don't mind being pierced over and over again just to divert any pain that pierces my heart (pardon the pun, please).
My ears have been pierced lotsa times. Uhmmm…Probably 15 times or more. They've become a big part of my life. Think I'm a masochist?! Hell! I don't care! To each his own.
Me and my piercings. This is ME. Welcome to my world!
*FYI, I can't pierce myself. It scares the hell out of me, lol! I either have it done in "Silverworks" or "Unisilver" or my aunt does it for me.*
*I'm gonna have the uppermost part of my left ear pierced again. Darn! The hole closed! Good thing I'm going through hell right now…What better way to ease the pain than good ol' reliable piercings?!*
*And oh! I'd love to have a tongue ring too. But that's a different story already, hehe!*
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Monday, 13 December 2004 2:04 pm
i never thought you were a masochist but after reading this, i'm now having second thoughts. har-de-har-har. just kidding!
take it easy mare!
Visit me @ http://kudlit.blog-city.com
2. a reader left…
Monday, 13 December 2004 2:38 pm
pag nahulog k s kumunoy ang wastong pagkilos ay hindi pag kilos
maphua27
Tuesday, 14 December 2004 4:57 am
haha! mas ok na masokista kesa maging sadista, lol! 
4. a reader left…
Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:27 pm
Hihi….seems you like to write a lot, that's a good sign. But I can't seem to keep up with today's blog anymore, just don't have the time. It was nice to read your stuff, can get to know you better as a person. Having a lot of piercings doesn't show how that person acts,it's their own flesh & blood, they're the ones who feel the pain. Not the ones looking/staring at them. So I think judging people by how they look is very very wrong. Agree?
:-)
Michael
Michael [mikelooi@hotmail.com]
Wednesday, 12 January 2005 1:07 am
hell yeah! 
6. a reader left…
Friday, 21 January 2005 3:15 pm
maganda naman tenga mo eh. hehe (how do you differentiate it from an ugly ear anyway?) pero grabe ka.. masakit yung sa canal a! tibay!
Saturday, 22 January 2005 12:30 am
haha tnx! kala ko ookrayin mo right ear ko eh, haha! pero in fairness, natawa ako dun sa blog mo about piercings, haha! totoo yun, hehe!
and korek! masakit talaga yung sa canal, as in napasigaw ako when i had mine pierced for the first time. but then again, no pain, no glory, hehe!
MY SO-CALLED MUSICIAN FETISH
December 13, 2004I've always been into music. Had piano lessons when I was 9. Guitar lessons when I was 12. I can play the flute (though yung bamboo lang, hehehe!). I can sing as well.
My interest for music started when I was 12. One of our neighbors belong to a family of musicians. He's a pianist and a singer. As in super crush ko s'ya back then. I remember going to their house and seeing different kinds of musical instruments. Naturally, I was inspired to learn one too and that's how I got to playing the guitar. But then, patigil-tigil ako.
Back in college, I was bringing my guitar sa boarding house. I've met a lot of "great" musicians. So, once again, na-revive yung passion ko for music.
There was even a time I played the guitar sa musical presentation ng group ko sa Hum II. That was really heaven for me coz pinuri pa ako ng prof namin in front of the class. Eh di syempre super kilig ang lola mo kase super crush ko si Sir back then, hehe! I was even supposed to sing acapella (solo) then but i declined sa mga groupmates ko. Lam mo na, may malisya kase ako kay Sir kaya sobrang conscious ako nun, lol!
But lemme tell you that I've never thought of myself as good. Yes, I can play the guitar but I don't think I'm that good. So when people tell me that I am, parang nahihiya ako na ewan. But of course, sobrang flattered ako syempre, hehe!
So eto na…After graduating from college, mga musicians ang mga nagiging kafafahan ko (though di naman lahat). So far, 1 lead guitarist and 2 bassists ang record ko. Lam mo yung feeling na pag nakikita ko silang tumutugtog, gusto ko na silang pakasalan, lol! Tapos when we're at home, jamming kami (got 2 guitars kase). Sarap ng ganung feeling that we're playing beautiful music literally and figuratively. Hay! Ang mushy ko talaga, lol!
I'm drawn to musicians. There's something about them that makes me interested with them. Is it talent? Appeal? Hell! I dunno! All I know is that I have a "MUSICIAN FETISH" in me (own term ko lang yun, lol!). I love it when I'm surrounded by people who are into music (as well as art). They inspire me to do better. The "musician" in me is yearning to come out. I wanna do more. I wanna learn more. I wanna be the best that I can be.
But for some reasons, my relationships with my musician boylets didn't work out. As if naman, nag-work out dun sa mga hindi musicians, lol! But then again, different story na yun, hehe!
Lahat sila mga drawing…mga japeyks…puro salita lang…puro mga ewan, grrr! Ay! Ang bitter! Hahaha! But wait! Lahat ng mga ex ko drawing lahat eh, hehehe! So I guess, I'm still gonna fall for a musician someday. Wish ko lang di na gitarista this time, drummer naman sana! Nyahaha! Silly me, di pa rin nadadala…Pakituktukan nga ako please, grrr!
*Kuya Henny, my friend who's currently enrolled sa classical guitar sa extension program ng U.P. College of Music asked me one time if I'm into musicians…Of course, I said yes, lol! Then, I should've pursued my plan to enrol in classical guitar daw sana. Magpakasawa daw ako sa mga musicians especially sa mga guitarists, lol! Oh my! Not again! Hahaha!*
*At eto pa…My friend, Eric, told me na mag-ingat daw ako sa mga bassists. Kakaiba daw kase mga personality nila. Duh! He's a bassist himself kaya! Sabay sabi ba namang clarinet na raw instrument n'ya ngayon. Toinks! Lol!*
*Weakness is the more apt term to use for this entry though, not fetish. Oh well, whatever! Fetish sounds kinkier, lol!*
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Sunday, 12 December 2004 2:39 pm
so this blog is a mix of english and …???
2. a reader left…
Sunday, 12 December 2004 3:37 pm
toinkz! ayan tapos na! sabi mo pakituktukan ka hehe! lalang!
endy [endypot@yahoo.com]
Sunday, 12 December 2004 4:36 pm
it's a mix of english and filipino, our national language here in the philippines. 
Sunday, 12 December 2004 4:38 pm
wapakz ka endypotpot! harharhar!
5. a reader left…
Monday, 13 December 2004 12:52 am
hayy naku day!!! pa tweetums epek p u ha…just keep up the good work, 1st tym 4me to meet a talented woman such as you. ei! i expect more poems, not poets from u, ok? hehehe chow!
tq [tq_031879@yahoo.com]
Monday, 13 December 2004 1:04 am
lolo tq! kamote ka talaga, hehe! tnx! #1 fan talaga kita, magtayo ka na fan's club, lol!
7. a reader left…
Monday, 13 December 2004 4:12 pm
nyahaha!!! tawa ako dun ah!!!
eric
Tuesday, 14 December 2004 5:35 am
nyahaha! sige, deny mo pa na bassist ka, lol! eh ur saving big bucks so u could buy your dream acoustic bass, diba? toinks!
9. a reader left…
Wednesday, 15 December 2004 1:07 am
Hey fave cuz, parang kilala ko yata yung crush mo when you were 12 y/o =) Well, I just want to drop a line and say "KeEp pLaYing tHoSe BeaUtiFul sOngS!!!" luv yah!
Joy
Wednesday, 15 December 2004 1:21 am
tnx! lol fave cuz! u're probably right, hehe! remember our guitar lessons together? ooops, our BINGO days too, hehe! hmmm…i wonder where the hell "george" is now, lol!
11. Michael Looi left…
Friday, 4 February 2005 10:12 am
I'm into music also but i dunno how to play any instrument. hope i can see u jam & sing.
Saturday, 5 February 2005 4:55 am
great!
btw, it's never too late to learn an instrument or two. i wanna learn how to play the violin.
come over here in the philippines. i'll sing and play the guitar for u!
YOU TOLD ME SO (POEM VERSION)
you told me you just can't get enough of me
then why the sudden change?
you told me you love me so
then why do you have to hurt me so?
you told me you'll accept mo for who i am
then why do we have to drift apart?
you told me you need me so
then why does my heart ache so?
you told me you love me so true
then why do you have to leave me hanging in a rope?
you told me you'll take me to your paradise
then why am i in hell now?
you told me it's gonna be me and you
then why does it have to be only "me" now?
you told me this and that
but i guess you never meant any of those
you told me so…
now i'm left with nothing…nothing…
NOTHING BUT WORDS…NOTHING BUT WORDS…
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1. a reader left…
Sunday, 12 December 2004 3:02 am
poem… so sad that we believe evythin wut dey say and yet they prove us wrong..ü that's the way love goes…ü tkecreü
allen [a773n@hotmail.com]
Monday, 13 December 2004 12:28 am
korek ka jan! 
Visit me @ http://barenaked.blog-city.com
3. a reader left…
Saturday, 4 June 2005 11:24 pm
*nakaka-inis yung ginawa nya! grrrr!*
na-iinis din ako sa sarili ko kase parang ayoko pa rin mag-let go. tanga na kung tanga
kat
Sunday, 5 June 2005 12:40 pm
hay…stages yan, dear! in a state of denial ka pa rin but mare-realize mo rin katangahan mo eventually…parang ako, hehehe!
but i'm glad nauntog nako.
